Life Elimination Diet: WTF is it?
I’ve been referencing the “Life Elimination Diet” for a while now, but have only recently come to learn that name is probably not the best. Not talking about death here, people. Maybe “Elimination Diet for Life” is better? (s/o to my girl Elaine for naming this...I think?!)
//The main goal of this diet is to remove external noise, get clear on your dreams, your goals, and ultimately start living the life you want (not what society wants for you)//
Have you heard of Whole30 or other, less popular “elimination diets”? If yes, shoot on down to the next paragraph. If not, here’s the basic premise: You eliminate food groups that are typically “triggering” to the masses, you keep your diet clean of them for awhile/until you feel better, then you slowly add these foods back in, one by one, to be able to identify which ones hurt your tummy.
So WTF does this have to do with personal growth outside of becoming that person who asks the waiter if there is gluten in the salad? Hang tight.
A few years ago I embarked on a journey that I didn’t have a name for at the time. I wasn’t able to make decisions without having buyers’ remorse, I was not clear at all on what I wanted vs. what others wanted for me, and TBH I wasn’t even able to articulate that — I just knew I was lost, so very lost.
Through work with my therapist and coach, I was able to get to a place where I felt in alignment with my values and decision making become SO easy. To save you all years of deep personal work, I’ve distilled the process down below.
World, meet the Elimination Diet for Life. She’s cute.
Phase 1: Identify Potential Triggers
Continuing with our metaphor: Instead of the triggers being gluten, dairy, or sugar; they will be things like Aunt Becky, coworkers, and (sorry Mom) parents.
How to identify triggers:
Pull out your journal (or Evernote) and start writing down the people/things in your life who fall into any of these categories:
Authority figures (mentors, managers, family members)
Forced communities (coworkers, family, roommates)
Advice-givers
Anyone who has your best interest in mind, but who also doesn’t have ALL of the context of what’s going on in your life
"Should"-causers. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard from clients, “I should do XYZ.” Anytime you find yourself “shoulding” all over the place — ask yourself, “says who?” The "who" makes it on the list.
Once you’ve got your list, remind yourself not to feel guilty. These people/relationships aren’t inherently bad, they likely are the opposite. Most people on this list are people who have been a big part of your life to date. Don’t worry, you’re not gonna excommunicate yourself from these relationships.
Phase 2: Remove the “noise”
This phase is TOUGH. Like really, really tough. I promise it’s worth it and you’ll manage it just fine through proper communication.
Phew, ok now that you’re terrified and likely stopped reading — let’s map it out.
The whole idea of this phase is to remove the amount of noise that is coming into your life, by limiting external opinions, thoughts, and situations.
Run through your list and for each item, decide how you’re going to slow down the amount of external noise. Remember, this is temporary, so you can use a variety of ways: having an honest conversation stating you’re trying to get clear on your decisions and are seeking less advice right now or creating “rules” or boundaries for how you’ll interact with these people.
I don’t mean for you to completely erase each of these relationships during this phase. You’ll simply set some boundaries. This looks different for each situation. Say, for example, your coworkers made the list. You sadly have to keep going to your job, so set your boundaries knowing that. This might look like not going out for drinks after work with them, keeping your headphones on more during the day, and/or sharing less of what’s happening in your life daily.
Phase 3: ID your personal values, dreams and goals
This is the meat and potatoes of this “diet”.
Now that you have some space from external noise, it’s time to dream big and get clear. This stage is nuanced and usually helpful to work on with someone (good friend, coach, etc). I've broken it into 3 chunks...
To find your values:
Think of your role model. Describe them in detail and why you look up to them. List out their qualities you admire.
Think back to a peak experience, a day that was one of the best in your life. Describe this day in detail and listen for values (i.e. “I was kayaking with my friend in Thailand...” = connection, adventure, travel)
Think of a time you got really frustrated recently. What happened? Likely some of your values weren’t being honored. Try and find what was missing or being stepped on during this experience.
To dream big:
Write down your silliest idea of what you want out of your life — the thing you’ve maybe never told anyone. Keep coming up with more and more “silly” ideas that you've assumed could never possibly work.
Think back to what made you weird as a kid. Was it your insect collection where you named each little buddy? Maybe you directed, scripted and recorded a VHS of you and your friends hosting a talk show focused on helping people with problems in their life? (hint, this is a great time to ask your family or childhood friends that may have potentially made the cut for “external noise”. They’ll be happy to hear from you AND you’re giving a specific question vs. asking for advice.)
Think forward to when you’re 100. Imagine someone is giving a speech about you. What are they saying? What are you proud of from your life?
Ask yourself, “what have I been too afraid to do?”, “if fear were not in the equation, what would my life look like?”, “if you had all the money and time in the world, what would I do?”
To set goals:
Now that you have your dreams, it’s time to create some action around them.
Ask yourself, “What is the absolute smallest step I can take towards achieving my goal?” Something you can do in the next couple of days. Go do that.
Think of all the ways you could start chipping away at your dreams. Write down a list of every possible option for action.
Set “SMART” goals. You may have heard of this in a work environment, but it works for all goals! Stands for: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time bound.
Celebrate each tiny win along the way, and even the “failures”. Decide how you’re going to celebrate when you take action.
Find ways to keep yourself accountable. Decide who you’re telling and how they’ll help keep you accountable.
When you “fail”, because you will, ask yourself “what is the lesson I’m learning here?” and then keep moving. We learn so much more from failures than we do successes. These are gifts, I promise.
Ok, now we’ve got a pretty solid vision of what’s to come. Time to make it happen.
Phase 4: Set Sustainable Boundaries
It’s time to start re-introducing your triggering foods. Before you open the floodgates and just let all the external noise back in, you might want to have some conversations.
Pay attention to what noise you eradicated during phase 3. Who are the heavy hitters with advice in your life? You’re going to need to make it clear to them how they can show up in your life going forward.
Most of these conversations will look something like, “Hey Aunt Becky. I love you and appreciate you so much as someone who has helped me get to where I am in life. Right now, I’m working towards some pretty big dreams and I’ve got a lot of self talk that is critical and hard to manage. What I need most from you during this time is faith that I can achieve these goals.”
Keep an eye out for your dreams as you add these external voices back into your life. Can some people just not keep their advice mouth shut? Or is someone “helping you” by pointing out all of the areas in which there is risk? You may need to reduce the amount of air time these voices get until you chip away at a bit more of your dream. We don't want an upset tummy from this trigger!
~
I would say, personally, I’m still working through Phase 4 and I’m not sure I’ll ever fully “graduate”. This is a diet I’ll likely keep aspects of for the rest of my life.
Peace & Laughs,
CC
